


Broken Heartbeats

by thedoctorandpotter



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 02:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4859729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedoctorandpotter/pseuds/thedoctorandpotter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot. Clara finds something irregular about both their heartbeats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Heartbeats

Clara was finally back to running alongside the Doctor after she had yearned to rejoin him for several long months. Now that she was back, she couldn't fathom how she stayed away for so long in the first place. Every planet they saw, every civilization they saved made Clara's heart feel lighter and lighter. But the way the Doctor looked at her after each adventure hurt. He looked at her like she was something irrevocably precious, like something that must be protected at all costs, like something that he was afraid of losing. These looks seemed to strengthen the Doctor's determination, but they made Clara's heart heavy with sympathy and affection. Soon, her heart ached dully with the weight of it. It slowed her down, made her lay awake at night, and sometimes she caught herself looking at him the same way he looked at her. What was wrong with the two of them? They had each other and all of time and space at their fingertips, yet Clara still felt incomplete. The heaviness of her heart began to affect how she acted. She sometimes spaced out, staring at seemingly nothing, and when the Doctor put his arms around her, which was becoming more and more often, her heart tugged at her chest and she wondered if he could feel it beating.  
She was sleeping in the TARDIS one morning when they were landed in her flat. Clara had fallen asleep in her bed on the way home from Raxicoricofallapatorious, and the Doctor hadn't had the heart(s) to wake her up, so he had left her. He now walked into her room in pajama shorts and a white undershirt.  
"Clara." he whispered. "Wake up, Clara." The Doctor moved towards her bed, sat down, and poked her arm softly.  
Clara didn't move. The Doctor sighed and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. "Clara." he said a little louder. "All of time and space is waiting."  
Clara stirred slightly. She reached for the Doctor drowsily. "Tired..."  
The Doctor ducked out of her reach. "It's the Doctor. It's time to wake up."  
Clara sat up sleepily. "Doctor?" she croaked. "Why did you wake me up? I was trying to sleep." She flopped back down.  
"Clara, there's a moon off of Jupiter we haven't seen yet. Come on, let's go!"  
Clara, laying facedown with her face in her pillow, replied, "I'm going back to sleep. You can stay if you like."  
The Doctor hesitated, then nodded. "I did have something I've been meaning to talk to you about."  
Clara remained facedown on the bed but moved over so the Doctor could join her under the covers. Once he was tucked in the bed, she reached for his hand, and he took it gently.  
"What is it?" said Clara in a muffled voice, still hiding her face in the pillow.  
"Clara, turn around. I can barely hear you."  
Clara flipped over so she was facing him. "Are you going to sit up stiffly like that for the whole conversation? It's barely 6 A.M. on Earth."  
The Doctor lay down beside her, resting his head on the other pillow. They lay on their sides, face to face, with their hands joined in between.  
"That's better." Clara said. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"  
The Doctor tucked another strand of hair behind her ear before talking. "I've noticed, these days, that you've been looking tired all the time. It's like you're completely disconnected from the world. You stare at nothing for a while sometimes, and it-" the Doctor paused. "It worries me."  
Clara yawned. "I don't know what you're talking about."  
The Doctor frowned. "It's pretty obvious you're upset about something, Clara. Whatever it is, tell me what, or who it is so I can take care of it, please."  
Clara smiled weakly. "It's nothing. I probably just have a head cold."  
The Doctor shook his head. "I scanned for that. It's nothing medical."  
Clara closed her eyes. Just when the Doctor thought she had fallen asleep, she opened them again and there were tears forming in them.  
The Doctor's mouth fell open and he pulled her to him instinctively in a hug."Clara, what's wrong? What happened? Is it Danny? Is that it?"  
Clara shook her head as tears flowed down her cheeks onto the Doctor's chest. She buried her face in his neck and snaked her arms around him. It had been a long time since Danny died. And he had told her to 'get the hell on with it' before he died, and she was doing a great job. It definitely wasn't Danny.  
"Clara?" the Doctor said in bewilderment.  
"Doctor." she said through heavy sobs.  
"Has something happened?"  
Clara stopped crying abruptly. "No, Doctor. Nothing happened. My time with you has been amazing, it's perfect."  
"Why are you crying, then?" he asked gently.  
"It's just...the looks you give me after we're done saving a world, or a galaxy, or a civilization. You look at me like I'm a carton of eggs."  
"A car-what?' the Doctor was confused.  
"It's like I'm going to expire one day, and you're dreading that day and trying to use that carton of eggs as much as you can before it dies." Clara sighed and moved closer to him.  
The Doctor blinked. "Oh, Clara..." he murmured. "I can't make that carton of eggs last forever. But I can enjoy the time I have with it, can't I?" the Doctor kissed Clara's hair lightly and continued. "As I told a friend of mine some time ago, the reason you should be happy now even though you'll be sad later is, of course, because you're going to be sad later. I have to enjoy the time I have with the carton of eggs, because I love it so and I can't bear to look back one day when the eggs are gone and find that the eggs were unhappy with me."  
Clara looked up at him tearfully. He wiped a tear away from her face with his thumb. "I'm sorry if I expire one day, Doctor." she said.  
The Doctor gazed at her. "My Clara," he said, now blinking back tears. "Just make sure the rest of your days before expiration are spent with me." the Doctor pushed slightly away from her, looking at her tear-stained face with regret."And please just tell me what to do to stop you being an unhappy egg."  
Clara searched his face with her eyes. "Doctor, you can't help me with this."She was tearing up again. "I can't do this to you."  
"Do what?"  
Clara willed herself to pull away from him but couldn't do it. She raked a hand through his silver curls, tears trickling down her face. Their faces were inches apart, though Clara couldn't remember moving closer to him. Clara closed her eyes, tears flowing through her lashes. The Doctor cradled the back of her head with one hand, the other wrapped tightly around her waist, keeping her pressed against him.  
"Just tell me what to do." whispered the Doctor. She could feel his warm breath on her lips as he spoke. "To make my Clara happy."  
Clara felt his lips brush against hers ever so softly. She responded gently to his tentative lips for a moment before pulling him closer. His arms enveloped her as he deepened the kiss slowly, sliding his tongue between her lips to feel for hers. Clara explored his tongue with her own. She wrapped one of her legs around one of his and pushed on top of him while he moaned softly. Her hands in his hair and his on her waist, he bit down on her lower lip, which roused a noise from the back of her throat. He kissed her even more fiercely. Finally, panting, they pushed apart. For a moment, Clara, who was now laying on top of the Doctor, stared at him with wide eyes. He pulled her to his chest without another word.  
Clara now lay on top of the Doctor with her ear to his chest and her legs tangled with his. He clutched her tight to his chest, not daring to let go.  
She listened to the beat of his heart. It thumped in a seemingly random pattern, not even at all.  
"Doctor?" said Clara softly.  
"Yes, I know. I just kissed you. I'm sorry."  
"Doctor don't be-"  
"I just-I can't bear to see my carton of eggs go without it knowing-I love it. Clara." he craned his neck. "Clara, I'm so sorry."  
"Don't be sorry, Doctor. I love you, too."  
The Doctor was silent. Clara listened to his irregular heartbeat. Something was wrong with his hearts.  
"Your heartbeat is uneven."  
He nodded. "I know."  
"Why is it uneven? Is it broken?"  
"In a manner of speaking."  
"Doctor, what's wrong with your hearts?"  
"They're telling me something, Clara. They're spelling something out."  
Clara was confused. "Spelling something?"  
"The first face this face saw."  
Clara gave a sharp intake of breath. "Mine."  
"Yours." the Doctor said in agreement. "My heartbeats...quite literally beat for you."  
Clara listened hard.  
A double thump, a single thump, a double thump, and a single thump. C.  
A single thump, a double thump, and two single thumps. L.  
A single thump and a double thump. A.  
A single thump, a double thump, a single thump. R  
A single thump, a double thump. A.  
Clara's breath caught. "I'm sorry."  
The Doctor chuckled. "It does no harm to me."  
Clara nodded. "Even so, I'm tattooed in your chest, now."  
He sighed. "Even after you've expired."  
"Yes," said Clara. "Even then."


End file.
